A tribute to my late mother

[ScottJC]

Before you read this, keep in mind this is a very DEEPLY personal thread, if you don't like sappy - don't read any further;

I just got back from my mothers funeral, that was the most horrific experience I have ever endured - afterwords in the pub we were all there (family and such) and I swear to god I was the only one in the room who was sad... I am so pissed off right now.

Everyone seemed to be so happy there - It really made me feel alone, but I suppose as they say they were celebrating her life. I was very close to my mother and in many ways I considered her my best friend.

She died on April 7th 2006 (Last week), I am still in shock - I had to get someone to take me home from the get together the family had put together - The funeral was something I know my mother would've been proud of - she didn't want the fuss but she got the best.

She was 51, she died of what the doctors believed was cancer, I basically watched her die over the past year and a half - I feel so guilty for it, I even wrote a letter to put in her coffin saying that I wish she could forgive me for not getting her to the hospital sooner - despite what I was told that it would've made no difference.

I know emutalk is hardly the place to vent my feelings but I just wanted to express them, I hope you all can understand even 1% of how I feel at the moment. I am 21, far too young to lose my mother - I wasn't expecting it for 20 years from now.

She was in a lot of pain for a long time I believe, so at least she is finally at peace, not in pain anymore.

and now for the sappiest part of all: I love you mum (or mom for you yanks), I will never forget you - and you will be infinitely missed.

 

[Miretank]

I just got back from my mothers funeral, that was the most horrific experience I have ever endured - afterwords in the pub we were all there (family and such) and I swear to god I was the only one in the room who was sad... I am so pissed off right now.

Everyone seemed to be so happy there - It really made me feel alone, but I suppose as they say they were celebrating her life. I was very close to my mother and in many ways I considered her my best friend.

She died on April 7th 2006 (Last week), I am still in shock - I had to get someone to take me home from the get together the family had put together - The funeral was something I know my mother would've been proud of - she didn't want the fuss but she got the best.

She was 51, she died of what the doctors believed was cancer, I basically watched her die over the past year and a half - I feel so guilty for it, I even wrote a letter to put in her coffin saying that I wish she could forgive me for not getting her to the hospital sooner - despite what I was told that it would've made no difference.

I know emutalk is hardly the place to vent my feelings but I just wanted to express them, I hope you all can understand even 1% of how I feel at the moment. I am 21, far too young to lose my mother - I wasn't expecting it for 20 years from now.

She was in a lot of pain for a long time I believe, so at least she is finally at peace, not in pain anymore.

and now for the sappiest part of all: I love you mum (or mom for you yanks), I will never forget you - and you will be infinitely missed.

You've made me cry you fucker.
I felt similar pain when my grandmom died, 2 years ago. Cancer. She was a 1st mom, cause she was always with me (my mom was at job all the time).
Don't have much words to say, she'll be better than us, now in peace. And look: she is smiling right now seeing the good soon you are. She knows you love her, and she'll be at your side forever.

For additional help, you can always count with friends. If you need to talk, just look for me.

Scott's mum, protect him please.

Regards
-Miretank

 

[Trotterwatch]

I'm so sorry that you are having to go through this. I shudder to imagine how I would handle this should I be faced with such a situation.

If you need to cry then just do it, a lot of people will try and hold back the tears which is such a silly thing to do.

May your Mother Rest In Peace, and should you ever feel the need to vent to us all here, then please do! And make your Mother proud eh, just resolve yourself to making yourself the very best person you could ever be.

 

[Martin]

Very sorry to hear that, I can't even begin to imagine what it must be like. :/

 

[NES_player4LIFE]

i'm truely sorry to hear that

 

[WhiteX]

I am moved by your words, i cannot imagine if it was my mother...

Most of all, in times like this, it is important to remember the beliefs and expectations our beloved ones had towards us and pull off an effort to make them proud, i am very sure that a man with the strenght of will such as the one you continuously show here will leave this situation stronger, wiser and more spiritualized.

May your Mother rest in God´s glory and her light guide your path.

 

[cooliscool]

Very sorry to hear that, I can't even begin to imagine what it must be like. :/

Likewise.

Very sorry to hear that Scott, you've got my condolences.

 

[t0rek]

I'm very sorry, may your mother rest in peace, I don't know what else to say, I'm wordless for now...

 

[ScottJC]

Thanks for all of your replies, you don't have to say anything I'd just like to thank you for thinking about her. she would be proud if she can see this thread now :'(

 

[Allnatural]

You have my condolences Scott. I too know what it's like to watch someone close to you rapidly deteriorate (my Grandmother, cancer at 62).

When you're younger, the people in your family seem nigh-on invincible. It's a violent shock to the psyche when reality steps in and teaches you otherwise. Be strong my friend, and may your mother rest in peace.

 

[KingVendrSnatch]

My best friend passed away last week as well. and to make it more messed up it was on the same day. What a messed up day....

I wish you the all the best.

 

[Agozer]

My aunt died from breast cancer not long ago. I also saw her deteriorate very fast. During the last few weeks she started to lose all motor skills. Needless to say, it wasn't a pleasant sight.

To make matters worse for here and her family, her husband had passed away a year earlier in a blink of an eye (a blood clot in the brain).

 

[Jaz]

I know emutalk is hardly the place to vent my feelings but I just wanted to express them, I hope you all can understand.

It's exactly the place to vent your feelings.

I've said it before and I'll say it again - EmuTalk is one of the closest communities that I've ever had the honour to be a part of. Cheesy, but it's almost like family.

My thoughts are with you dude. If there is anything any of us can do (stupid question to ask I know), but just ask.

I think most people have been touched by cancer in some form or another, so alot of people will understand how you feel.

Keep plugging away my friend, it will get easier, I promise you that.

 

[ScottJC]

Yeah Jaz, I feel that emutalk is a very good community - as I can see that with this thread - I'd like to thank each and every one of you for all your kind words, for those who have mentioned the loss of their grandmothers, friends and family - I know exactly how you feel about it now.

What allnatural said is true, you think your family is invincible when you're young till reality gives you a slap in the face and does this to you. I have a brother and a sister, we all took it hard... i'm having a hard time dealing with simple things I used to do, I dunno - still taken back by this whole week.

I believe I will begin donating to cancer charities because I want to see this horrible disease treated so that others don't have to share in this sort of pain. Although I feel guilty for not doing that in the first place now. I feel guilty about a lot of things to be quite honest.

 

[Miretank]

Through this whole 1 year long I've signed up in EmuTalk, I've noticed that this comunnity is extremely serious - mistakes are not forgiven. I myself get surprised when I read my firsts posts and see how I noob I was (of course I'm still one, but I was worst) and I'm still here - even after being "owned" a lot of times. As Clements said on other topic, ET is not a kid's playground. The discussions here are taken VERY SERIOUSLY, and emotional stuff are rarely commented. Dunno why, maybe some people have shame, but that's not the case. I'm that kind of adolescent that can't hold feelings inside, I need to talk about them. That's why I've replied the thread when I read it - I know how he is feeling.

Two years ago I was 14, and it was when I've lost my grandmom. She had a cancer that didn't have a straight diagnostic on the beginning of the treatment. To make it more difficult, she was old and weak, so she couldn't even try quimiotherapy. The treatment could kill her. On that same time, my sis was on the hospital too, with pneumony. And my mom, with her head about to explode. I was the only "mentally sane" among them. (only 14 yo)
Chaotic days where I had to spend nights on hearing her cries. :'(
And I'll stop here, cause this hurts yet.
She died on 1st april. Rest in piece "vó Angela".

I believe I will begin donating to cancer charities because I want to see this horrible disease treated so that others don't have to share in this sort of pain. Although I feel guilty for not doing that in the first place now. I feel guilty about a lot of things to be quite honest.

My mom does the same now. Donations seems fair - the only way to fight against the destiny - cause no one chooses if he/she wants a cancer.
I assume the pain is being terrible now, but it'll quiet down. Hang on, occupy your mind with forums, any other things. Needing help, just ask.

 

[zelectaman]

I know how it feels...

Yes, that is very sad thing. It is hard for everybody(I think.). I can't live if my mother will die... I've been thinking about it. It is sad, true.

 

[WhiteX]

Through this whole 1 year long I've signed up in EmuTalk, I've noticed that this comunnity is extremely serious - mistakes are not forgiven. I myself get surprised when I read my firsts posts and see how I noob I was (of course I'm still one, but I was worst) and I'm still here - even after being "owned" a lot of times. As Clements said on other topic, ET is not a kid's playground. The discussions here are taken VERY SERIOUSLY, and emotional stuff are rarely commented.

I disagree, older members seem to rely on the community as some sort of online family, i know i do.

I feel guilty about a lot of things to be quite honest.

I used to argue with my grandma a lot, when she passed away, i felt guilty because of that, time made that guilt go away because of the sillyness of mundane things and the greater love that we felt for each other, remember the love, the warmth you felt on her presence, not the bad things.

 

[Miretank]

I disagree, older members seem to rely on the community as some sort of online family, i know i do.

I trust in you, I can't say much cause I'm new here. But I rarely see emotional threads here

 

[Talas]

Hi Scott,

I am sure my words dont mean alot right now, but maybe they can levitate just a small ounce of the sorrow you feel right now. I myself had the big luck to not have lost anyone close to me yet, when my grandfather and -mother died I was too young to understand. But maybe the words of my father, who lost his parents while he was also very young, around 18, that the said to me can comfort you a little. He was in a foreign country when he heard that his father had died and when I asked him what he felt back then he answered: "I was sad, very very sad. But I remembered that my father was a strong man, and that wished for me to be strong too. So when I had cried my tears after many days I remembered his wish and continued with my life." I dont want this to sound like "get over it and live on", I think there is much wisdom in these words. Ever since the father of my father died my father has been visiting regularly at the graveyard, I am sure he never stopped thinking about him. I hope thats how you will see your mother, as the strong person that brought you up. Hope I was able to make some sense here...

 

[MaxwellSmart]

I am sorry for your loss. It´s sad, she was young.
I know it hurts a lot, only time will easy your pain.